The Disappearance of the Cheesecake
by rosepetal704
Summary: Once again, Harry hasn't done his Potions homework. But he has a note from McGonagall, telling the Snape that it doesn't matter. How will Snape take that? And also, what's that about all the cheesecake disappearing? 8th in the Potion Class series.


Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling. Who I am not. We are two separate people. One of us owns Harry Potter, and one of us doesn't. The one who doesn't is the one who's writing this disclaimer.

Please note: If you notice any characters acting OOC, it is supposed to be that way. And also: Thank you, so SO much to everyone who's ever reviewed any of my stories! I've read and reread all your lovely reviews. So thank you so much!

_"Give me the gumball machine or I'll torture and kill your friends, Potter!" Voldemort shouted, sending a curse at his opponent._

_Harry dodged the spell, shouting, "You can torture Ron and Hermione all you want, Voldemort, but I will _never _give you the gumballs!" He hugged the gumball machine protectively._

_"Harry, I think we'd better just give him what he wants," Hermione called out desperately. "That cop from the mall is already chasing us because you stole the thing in the first place! We need to get out of here _now!_"_

_"No!" Harry yelled. "The gumball machine is mine! MINE!"_

_"I don't want to end up in jail," Hermione whined._

_"Servants!" Voldemort shrieked. "Kill the boy!"_

_His army of giant green teddy bears slowly advanced upon Harry, maniacal grins on their stuffed faces. They raised their baseball bats threateningly, and-_

Harry Potter woke up with a start. He reached for his glasses, pondering his strange dream. But he didn't have time to think about it for long; he needed to get up. He didn't want to be late for Potions class.

Wait a minute...maybe he _did _want to be late. He smiled evilly to himself.

An hour later Harry strode into the Potions classroom. Severus Snape, along with the fourth year Slytherins and Gryffindors, looked up. Harry gave Snape a cheery wave, which the professor responded to with a glare.

"_Someone's _looking bright and cheerful today," Harry observed.

Snape's only answer was an even deeper glare. "You're seventeen minutes late, Potter," he snarled. "Thirty points from Gryffindor."

"Oh, I'm afraid you can't do that," Harry said apologetically.

"I believe I just did. Now go sit down and be quiet for the remainder of the class."

Harry smiled pleasantly. "Oh, but you see, I have a very good reason for being late."

Snape fought hard not to groan and bang his head against the desk. "I care not for your reasons and excuses, Potter. Now-"

Harry reached inside his robes and pulled out a small piece of parchment. He handed it to Snape, who stared at it uncomprehendingly.

"It's a note. Read it," Harry commanded.

Snape grudgingly did as he said. "Professor Snape, this is just a reminder for you to excuse Mr. Potter's possible tardiness and/or lack of homework. Due to the circumstances, I'm sure- well, I hardly need to explain it to you. I know we're all well aware of the events of last night. -M. McGonagall."

Harry nodded. "Well, that should take care of everything."

Snape was still staring at the note. "Minerva McGonagall actually wrote this?"

"Yep," Harry confirmed.

"She actually wrote me a not telling me to excuse you for being late to class?"

"And for not doing my homework," Harry added.

Snape, looking as if it were extremely painful to do so, said a single word through tight lips. "Explain."

"What would you like explained, sir?" Harry asked politely.

_"This," _Snape said irritably, waving the note.

"I don't know what there really is to explain about it, Professor. It's a note from McGonagall. It says you're not supposed to take points or give detention, because of what happened last night."

"What _did _happen last night?"

Harry looked confused. "Do you not _know _what happened?"

"I assure you, Potter, if I did know I wouldn't be asking you," Snape growled.

"But I don't understand. You must know! You were there! How could you forget about it all in just one night?" Harry asked disbelievingly.

"Explain what you are talking about this instant, Potter!" Snape ordered.

Harry sighed wearily. "If I must."

The class leaned forward in their seats, expecting another one of Harry's ridiculous stories.

"It all started a couple nights ago," Harry began. "I was in the Great Hall, eating a delicious supper of chocolate cake, double fudge brownies, and chocolate frogs."

Snape looked extremely disdainful of Harry's choice of food.

"It was very delicious," Harry stated. "I love chocolate."

Snape didn't seem to deem that comment worthy of a reply.

"Ron and Hermione were with me. I don't remember what they were eating," Harry said apologetically. "If I did I would tell you."

"Potter, is this going anywhere at all?" Snape asked impatiently.

"Of course it is, sir. Do you think I would tell you a story that had no point?"

Snape looked as if that were exactly what he thought, and some of the students looked like they agreed.

"Well it does have a point," Harry said hastily. "Okay, so, anyway, I was eating my food. I ate my cake, and I ate my brownie, and then I was about to eat a chocolate frog. But the little thing wouldn't let me! It just kept hopping away. I chased it around the Great Hall, trying to catch it. Everyone else just kept eating. Then the frog started doing something strange: it happened from one student's head to another, going around the room. Well, the frog was fast, but I was faster, and eventually I tackled it and then stomped on it until it was one big, dead, chocolately mess. And then-"

"I've changed my mind, Potter," Snape interrupted. "I don't care about this; just sit down."

"But I'm not done yet," Harry whined.

"Ten points from Gryff-"

"You can't do that," Harry reminded him. "McGonagall said you couldn't, remember?"

It seemed to be taking all of Snape's self control to not just start yelling at Harry. "Potter," he said in a low, dangerous tone, "sit down this instant."

Harry ignored the professor's command, saying, "But the class wants to hear what happened next!" And indeed, the students did look impatient for Harry to continue his story.

"I don't care what the students want!" Snape said angrily. "Sit _down!_"

Harry simply turned away from Snape and started again, "After I killed the chocolate frog-"

"_Silencio!_" Snape cried, pointing his wand at Harry, whose lips continued to move, though no sound came out. It took him a moment to realize what had happened, and when he did he looked disapprovingly at Snape.

From beneath his desk Ron took out his wand and whispered the counter curse. To Snape's surprise, Harry started talking again.

"So after the chocolate frog was dead, I went back to the Common Room and-"

"_Silencio!_" Snape repeated.

For a moment Harry was silent, but then Parvarti Patil lifted the curse, and he continued, "-went to bed. Everything-"

"_SILENCIO!_" Snape roared furiously.

This time it was Draco Malfoy who performed the counter curse.

"Like I was saying, everything seemed perfectly normal."

Snape's anger gave in to hopeless despair. There seemed to be nothing he could do to stop Potter from telling his story. Though it enraged him, he decided to just let the boy talk- while glaring darkly at him, of course.

"But alas, that illusion was soon shattered. Nothing was normal at all! For when I woke up the next morning, do you know what I saw?"

He paused. The students, Gryffindors and Slytherins alike, leaned forward with bated breath. Snape just looked bored.

"When I woke up the next morning, my dorm mates' skin..." Harry paused dramatically. "Was _green._"

Some of the class gasped. Some looked surprised. Some merely looked confused.

"I ran down to the Common Room, to tell someone of this...terribleness," Harry said, unable to find a better word. "But it turned out that it wasn't just my dorm mates with this problem. Nearly _everyone _had green skin! It was horrible! I was distraught."

Harry looked at Snape. "Your skin was green too, Professor." He shuddered. "It did _not _look very good."

If looks could kill, Harry would have been long dead by the glare the Potions professor was giving him.

"See, what happened was that the chocolate frog I told you about...was actually _Voldemort._"

Some of the students gasped when he said the dark lord's name.

"Voldemort is an animagus, you see," Harry explained. "He can turn into a chocolate frog. So he was of course dead, because I had stomped on him, but that's not important. You know how I said he had been hopping on people's heads? Well, it was a curse. Everyone he had touched would have their skin turned green. Except for me," Harry said proudly. "Because _I'm _Harry Potter. And Harry Potter just doesn't get his skin turned green. That's not the way he rolls."

Snape tapped his foot impatiently. "Are you finished?"

"Of course not, the story's not over. Well, I obviously had to do something. The people of Hogwarts couldn't have green skin. Everyone looked like a bunch of friggin' aliens! It was dreadful."

"I'm sure it was," Snape said sarcastically.

"Anyway, I ended up fixing everything of course. The only cure for green skin is cheesecake. I learned all about it in a Muggle science class. So the solution was simple. I told everyone to eat cheesecake, and they obeyed, of course, and that was that. Everyone was cured."

Harry paused, and some of the class thought his tale was finished. But then he went on, "_But- _things weren't actually that simple. Although I'd taken care of one colossial, life-threatening problem, another occurred! All the cheesecake in the world had disappeared."

He paused again, obviously waiting for everyone to cry out in horror. Some of the students realized this and complied. Some Slytherin in the back even went as far as to wail, "Oh _no!_"

Harry looked pleased. "Yes, it was indeed terrible. I mean, how could the world go on without cheesecake?"

Snape raised his eyebrows skeptically. "How would it all just vanish?"

Harry shook his head sadly. "I don't even know. It shall forever remain a mystery. But back to the story...I got a time turner and-"

"A time turner?" Snape interrupted. "Students can not simply attain time turners."

"I'll tell you a secret," Harry said, leaning forward confidentially. "It was Dobby the house elf's time turner. But don't tell him I borrowed it; he might be mad that I didn't ask."

Snape stared at Harry. But the boy ignored his look and continued, I used the time turner to go back in time, got a single slice of cheesecake, and went forward in time-"

"Wait a minute. You can't go forward in time. It doesn't work that way."

"Oh, well this was a _special _time turner," Harry explained. "Once I was back to the present, I got the teachers to multiply that slice of cheesecake until there were lots." He smiled contentedly. "And that's how I defeated Voldemort, saved everyone at Hogwarts from looking like green-skinned aliens, and replenished the world supply of cheesecake. The professors all decided that, as a way to show their gratitude, they would excuse me from homework or showing up to class on time."

Harry gestured at the note, which was still in Snape's hand. "I guess McGonagall must have thought you might forget, and that's why she wrote that to you."

Snape didn't say anything at first. He was silent for so long that Harry began to get nervous.

"Erm...I'm finished, Professor. So...err, I guess I'll just-"

"Potter," Snape interrupted in a dangerously soft voice, "you have just _wasted my time _with an utterly absurd, ridiculous _lie._"

Harry's eyes widened in horror. "Why, _Professor!_" he exclaimed, clutching a hand to his chest. "I would never do such a thing! Why, the very thought-" He shuddered, then shrieked, How dare you accuse me of spreading nonsense? Guards, seize him!"

Then suddenly calm once more, he asked seriously, "What makes you think it was a lie, sir?"

"Everything about it!" Snape shouted angrily. "Your whole story was complete nonsense! For one thing, the dark lord does not take the animagus form of a chocolate frog! Such a thing isn't even possible! And the house elves do not have time turners, and-"

"Professor, it's okay," Harry said soothingly, attempting to calm the Potions professor. He patted Snape's shoulder gently.

Snape shook him off and yelled, "FIFTY POINTS FROM GRYFFIN-"

"You can't do that, Professor!" Harry interrupted. "McGonagall _said _you can't!"

Snape stared at the note angrily. "I have no idea why Minerva would write such a thing, but I am going to get an explanation!" He stormed out of the room, black robes billowing behind him.

Harry followed him, but not before giving the students a cheerful wave.

When Minerva McGonagall started to teach her class of seventh year Ravenclaws, she probably did not expect to be interrupted halfway through by an enraged Severus Snape and a grinning Harry Potter.

"Is there something I can help you with, Severus?" McGonagall asked.

"I- you- he-" Snape spluttered. "_This!_" he said, thrusting the note at her. "I demand an explanation!"

McGonagall skimmed through the note, her lips pressed into a thin line. When she was done, she looked up. "Severus, where did you get this?"

"What?" Snape said confused. "But-" He glanced at Harry. "He said you gave it to him."

"I most certainly did not write this," McGonagall said. "However, a simple revealing charm will tell who did." She began waving her wand over the parchment and murmuring incantations. "I'm surprised you didn't do this as soon as Mr. Potter gave it to you, Severus," she commented.

Snape glowered.

McGonagall looked up, and eyebrow raised. "This note was written by Harry Potter."

"_What?_" Snape exploded, turning to face Harry. "You- how _dare _you- ONE HUNDRED POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!"

Harry suddenly burst into hysterical laughter.

"Mr. Potter, this is not a laughing matter," McGonagall said sternly. "What is the meaning of this?" She gestured at the note.

Harry managed to stop laughing long enough to say, "Fine, I admit it. I wrote the note myself in the hopes that I would be able to waste Professor Snape's class and make him look like a fool in one go." He giggled. "And it worked!"

It was only then that Snape realized that all of McGonagall's class of seventh years were staring at him. Some were even laughing. Severus Snape did not usually feel self conscious, but this was one of the very rare occasions that he did.

Giving everyone in the room his darkest glare, Snape swept out, even angrier that when he had entered.

"Mr. Potter," McGonagall started sternly, "I am very disappointed with you. Your behavior is unacceptable. You will serve a week of detention with me starting tomorrow."

"Yes, Professor," Harry said. But he didn't care. He had accomplished even more than he had hoped for.

_A/N: Well...hope you enjoyed that! If you'd be so kind to take the time to leave a quick review, I'll be so grateful! Reviews are like chocolate to me! (Meaning I really, really love them.) Thanks!_


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